Citizen… my name is Sandra Fluke

Citizen, my name is Sandra Fluke. I’m a 30-year old law studet currently attending Georgetown University in Washington D.C. and I have a pecuImageliar problem. Actually, I have many peculiar problems. Despite entering the fourth decade of  my life and attending a Top 20 Law school with a tuition rate of $48,000 per year, I cannot afford birth control. Because of my supposed inability to purchase a product I “need”, and because I have made a personal decision not to abstain from sex, my problem(s) are now your problem. Actually, what I meant to say was – my “problem(s)” are your responsibility.

Please understand that I am too proud/ashamed to request you provide for my “needs” in private. I also understand that you will not willingly accept the responsibility that I have decreed is rightfully yours. How fortunate for me then that there is great political opportunity in disguising my personal desires as “women’s rights.” How fortunate for me that the Democratic party has granted me the opportunity to do publicly what I wouldn’t dare do privately. I will use the soapbox they have so delicately placed beneath my feet to plead my case on national television and gain the support of those who do not understand. Because my arguments are hollow and irrational, I’ll have to resort to propaganda. I’ll disguise the issue through the use of emotional terms and phrases like “women’s right’s,” “women’s health,” and, ahem, “societal responsibility.” I will help them see that they too can benefit at the expense of their fellow man. In this way I will rally many sheep to my cause.

But many will not be convinced, because either they understand what I do not, or resent me for my willingness to use the force of government to get what I want. Again, how fortunate it is that they do not have to be convinced! For my rulers have spoken, and my word is now law. So it is written, so shall it be done!

My name is Sandra Fluke. My delicate face is the tool I lend willingly to my political betters to disguise the absurdity and obscenity of our/my demands. But because you understand, and because you have no choice, I no longer need to hide…I want to have sex. I demand that you pay me to be responsible while having it. And I am willing to use violence to ensure that you do so.

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One comment

  1. This is great! On the nose. If Sandra Fluke were forced to tell the truth, she would have written this piece.

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