A Party of Freedom?

“We, the Republican Party, are the party of freedom, democracy, individualism, religious liberty and voluntary fraternization.”

“You are? Does this mean you’ll legally recognize my right to marry the partner of my choosing and grant me the benefits you’ve always enjoyed, but have denied me.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not? Aren’t you the party of freedom?”

“Yes. But you marrying a partner of your choosing offends my religious beliefs.”

“But my religious beliefs differ from yours. Aren’t you the party of religious liberty?” 

“Yes…of course…of course we’d “allow” you to practice your religious beliefs. But you must understand that our religious beliefs are superior to yours.”


“Because this country was founded on the principles of our religious beliefs.”

“Was it? Even if that were true, it’s irrelevant you see, because marriage is a tradition practiced by a wide variety of religions. But, more importantly, in this country, it’s no longer a religious institution, but a state institution – a legal contract recognized and protected by the state that confers benefits and status upon folks entering into it.”

“Yes. It’s a legal contract, but one between a man and a woman.”

“Yes, it has been. But why should it remain that way? Why should I be denied a right to enter into this contract? 

“Because…If I let you in on this contract, What’s stopping polygamists, or men and women interested in marrying animals from demanding the same rights you are demanding now? It’s a slippery slope, don’t you see?”

“A slippery slope argument is a fallacy. But perhaps you’re right, maybe the state’s involvement in marriage has made a simple and private matter needlessly complex. Maybe the state shouldn’t be involved at all. Then folks can voluntarily enter any agreement they want, bereft of benefits and legal status of course. That sounds fair. Don’t you agree?”

“No. The state must be involved. It must promote traditional marriage.”


“For the good of society.”

“Considering the current state of marriage in our “society”, the state is quite obviously failing. And isn’t your party opposed to social engineering?”

“Yes, of course we are. All we’re doing is ensuring society is nudged in the proper direction.”

“That sounds more like a kick in the ass than a nudge. That’s not social engineering?”


“But I pay taxes! You, by virtue of your marriage contract, are entitled to certain tax breaks and benefits. Because you deny me this, I am forced to pay more. Furthermore, your benefits are increased by having children. In some states I’m not allowed to adopt children. Don’t you see that I am subsidizing your marriage and your children? Aren’t you the party of low and fair taxes? How can you justify this?”

“For the good of society.”

“Would you tell me what your party stands for again?”

“We are the party of freedom, democracy, individualism, religious liberty and voluntary fraternization.”


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